So here we are, on the cusp of year 2015. In the planet of the strange, Russia started the war games against Ukraine and Scotland voted to remain faithful to the United Kingdom. Meanwhile, ISIS (with their revolting decapitation executions) came into prominence & dominance as the bigger, gruesome version of Al Queda. Ebola made a sequel and the year also heralded the era of the bendable smartphone and a cloud called iHack.
In the world of sports, Germany trounced Brazil 7-1 in an unbelievable World Cup semi-final enroute to winning the tournament. Hope was dope for a badminton player’s controversial fall from grace. The freak demise of a cricket player (when he was hit by a ball in the neck) reminded us the fragility of life.
Closer to home, Asian countries witnessed the changing of the old guards, some democratically, others not so. We welcomed Prayut Chan-o-cha (by way of coupe d’e tat), Jokowi and Modi. Elsewhere, Abe manage to stay in power longer with a win in a recent snap election. There was also outpouring of grief and outrage for a ferry that sank, a plane that disappeared, another one that was allegedly shot down and a place called Martin.
Celebrity weddings and secret marriages set alight the entertainment industry. While some dabbled in drugs, earning an apology from their superstar dad, others had skeletons jumping out from their closet. Therein lies The Fault in Our Stars…afterall, they are only human.
On the homefront, 2 penguins lost their identities, a blogger that courted controversy landed in court. Local celebrities helped to prop up the birth rate while others set wedding bells ringing. Cat cafes bloomed to the ringing jingle of cash registers around the island while vandalism hit a new high (roof level). You could be Peter Parker with the ominous entry of radioactive rice. Toll hike struck (in the form of tit for tat) and strike (in the form of bus drivers) on opposite sides of the causeway. A $1.33 billion stadium opened on an embarassing and bald note with a sandy pitch fit for beach soccer/volleyball. A local billionaire bought over a Spanish football club earning adulation worthy of a Hollywood red carpet reception.
It was a year where the numbers and figures mattered. $5,000 was deemed a derisory amount while a $120 license was required to sell tissue paper. $411 in conservancy fee arrears was enough to land a 75-year old lady in jail for 2 days. $70,000 was raised in less than 5 days for a ex-healthcare worker to fight a civil libel lawsuit. $19,000 and $1,010 was paid entirely in coins to a car dealer and a aggrieved customer respectively. Meanwhile, a roast meat joint was sold for about $4 million ($2 million for the premises, $2 million for the recipe and know-how).
Comedy was aplenty when less than 25 members of the parliament (out of a total of 99 parliamentarians) were present to pass a Bill, not once but twice*. There was also this memorable ex-tour guide who roused multiple government agencies from their slumber with one damning lusting power of attorney. And who can forget the epic fishball stick that launched a municipal body.
*Note to readers: For a Bill to be passed in parliament, as specified under constitution, a quorum of one-quarter of the total of 99 members, excluding the Speaker, is needed.
National Identity
I think this year, Little Red Dot is having abit of a identity crisis. It all started when 2 male penguins were not taken seriously as penguins and adjudged to be an abnormal family unit for hatching an egg and taking care of a baby penguin. It outraged some in the community and made National Limitation Board (NLB) do an about-turn in its decision to pulp the books. The kerfuffle led to the library, members of the public and a ministry on a tripartite mating-dance, And conclusively Tango Makes Three.
(Note to readers: The book is based on the story of Roy and Silo, two male Penguins in New York’s Central Park Zoo. Roy and Silo were observed performing behaviors typically seen in penguin couples, such as bowing to one another. Roy and Silo made a nest together, and seemed to be trying to hatch a rock that resembled an egg. When zookeepers realized that these two males had formed a couple, they gave them an egg to hatch. This egg was obtained from a male-female penguin couple, named Betty and Porkey, who had two eggs and could not care for both at once. Roy and Silo took turns sitting on the egg, and eventually it hatched. The female chick was named “Tango” by the zookeepers.)
The fact is even though they were villians in batman comics, I honestly couldn’t blame these 2 penguins…because look, Hello Kitty (according to its creator, Sanrio) is not a cat but a British school girl who happened to have whiskers, the ears of a cat and doesn’t walk on all fours. That is akin to declaring Mickey is not a mouse, Donald is not a duck, Snoopy is not a beagle and a $8 bypass surgery is a unicorn in sighting.
As if figuring out who you were wasn’t confusing enough, radio deejays cross-dressed to impress in a cloth-swap challenge. And I can tell you that certainly wasn’t the most impressive outfit of the day [OFTD] (twitter lingo). The deserving OFTD accolade goes to a lady named Serina, everytime she visited the courthouse, it was Project Runway redux.
But the one that was most confused about his identity was an ex-tour guide . This guy was playing so many roles he forgot who he really was. One minute he was a guardian of a old lady’s $40 million assets via a Lusting Power of Attorney, the next minute he is a “grandson” to the old lady. Some days he is a loving father who brought his wife and son to move into the old lady’s bungalow, some days he is a grassroot member helping foreigners to integrate with locals, some days he is a guy whose PR application was approved even though it was riddled with fake information, some days, he is purportedly quasi business partners with various local business associations, but most days, he is a man with fake academic qualifications and falsified receipts. Interestingly, in the later days, he is a suspect facing 349 criminal charges (latest update). At the rate he is going, he could soon be a felon in the movie: “Con Man – Days of Future Past“. One thing is guaranteed, you will never look at a Lusting Power of Attorney the same way again after what he did.
National Security
With the riot and escape of Mas Nasi Lemak still fresh on our minds, national security was a huge talking point this year as Little Red Dot live up to its name of a nation with no borders. A teacher started the ball rolling with the first breach (she eluded the police for three days after illegal entry, had time to pay the ministry of foreign affairs a visit before she was eventually arrested). Not long after, an uncle followed suit despite the efforts of a multi-million dollar, state of the art protective barrier and a garrison of feckless immigration officers attempting to stop him. To complete the hat-trick, a mother sneaked in effortlessly via a marina to abduct her own kid in a dramatic custody battle.
More was to follow when more than 1,500 national online accounts pass for transaction were accessed illegitimately . Even a film on political exiles was deemed a threat to national security prompting many to cross the border to assess this “threat”.
National Service
National Service was also back in the news prompting us to recall fond memories of the maid who carried a conscript’s backpack. We are heartened that the maid’s act did spur 200-odd PR and new citizens into signing up for a new voluntary national service scheme. Those 200-odd will be thankful though they do not need to help carry the leftover dummy anti-tank weapon at Sembawang.
In a widely welcomed move, the IPPT for NSmen was revised to a simpler format consisting of only 3 stations. Elsewhere, citizens unhappy with the watered down revision and presumed lowering of the army’s fitness standards protested by conducting their own version of IPPT (Individual Public Pooping Test) at a subway station.
Broaching on the subject of protests, it pales in comparison to Hong Kong ‘s pro-democracy demonstrations. While jingoistic youths and academics in Hong Kong were protesting for universal suffrage, controversy couple Roy & Gal Hui Hui were doling out universal suffering to patrons and special needs kids at an event in an apparent turf war with a non-secular body. Many branded the crusading duo as a threat to national security, but in my opinion they seem more of a threat to national serenity. These 2 activists gave us a lesson in heckling 101 when they and their band of merry brothers surrounded a guest-of-honour and demanded for retirement money to be released. (fast forward to 12:00 minute mark in the youtube video).
National Transport
Public transport, a bug-bear in recent years couldn’t keep itself out of the limelight. There were improvements made since the massive North-South line breakdown in January, notably starting with the fares (a fare hike to be exact). The then public transport cartel (PTC) chairman placated citizens by declaring that citizens should hire a chauffeur if current standards of public transport doesn’t live up to their demands or expectations.
–The Herd (aka Lambs to the Slaughter)–
–The Spiel–
–The Prophecy–
–The Quote–
” If you treasure your time and treasure your comfort, you pay a premium-there are premium services. If you value your time and comfort even more, buy a car. And then ultimately get a chauffeur ”
Other improvements included chartered trains for schools, traffic lights installed in the stations, free wifi (on trial), charging stations (on trial), busker performances, zombies and a game of Commuter Crush (a pirated version of Candy Crush) at the escalators. Rest assured If you are traumatized by the buskers or spooked by the walking dead, there is a “care-zone” specially allocated for you to sooth your nerves. Interestingly, there were also 3 repeated invites to foreign graffti artists for them to put their skills to good use at the train depot.
–Improvements–
–Commuter Crush–
–Once bitten, twice shy, 3 times is a charm–
National Education
This was also the year where parents taught their kids about the birds and the bees and most important of all, where not to pee. Our kids are growing at a phenomenal rate and they are definitely an expressive lot. We were impressed with an opinionated epistle of a school kid, who disagreed with what was being taught at a relationship workshop conducted by a non-secular body. She found the notions of sexuality, traditional gender roles and stereotype propagated at the workshop demeaning to women and amounted to bigotry.
Meanwhile, a celebrity’s daughter edging towards the age of forever 21 objected to the misogynistic songs played in-store by a clothing retailer and aired her displeasure via an open letter. While these 2 kids displayed maturity beyond their years, others remain in a quagmire of adolescence.
Maturity beyond their years…
Adolescence beyond their years ??
National Challenge
It was a challenging year for the red dot because it was challenges galore. For a limited period, every narcissistic, self-obsessed, attention-seeking wannabe was doing the ice bucket challenge or nominating someone else to do it.
However, the most talked-about challenge was that of Hunger Games: Catching Celebrities. It was a battle of fashion, poise and showmanship when a under-dressed, waif-like superstar mom duke it out with a politician in the food queue. Alternatively, it was dubbed as the battle between the burger and chicken wings. All in all, this could well have been the mother of all challenges or in this particular instance, the mother & uncle of all challenges.
National Pastime
Photography rose to become the prime national pastime in 2014, beating “queue crazy for iphone si-ck-x” by a narrow margin. This was the year where the selfie met the we-lfie and formed the twin-lfie. From the young to the old, everyone was latching onto the frenzy including politicians, doctors and taxi-drivers.
Another highly popular national pastime released the inner coin fetish in us. 2 guys, one a mobilephone shop owner and another, the scion of a famous nasi lemak franchise owner displayed their vast coin collection to the chagrin of the public. In the prophetic words of Jover the coin genie: “your wish or rather, your beg is his coin-mand”.
Do check out this spoof of the Sim Lim saga, very well done, its hilarious !!
National Campaigns
The Pleasing Geriatric Package (PGP) was a welcomed move to honour the pioneer generation. It was laudable that 2 Bengs, one from broadway and the other from local tv industry, were recruited to inform the pioneers of their entitlement (we give a thumbs up for this informative approach). At issue however were the multiple terms and conditions tied to its usage and the tiered complexities subsumed in the conditions when you throw in CHAoS.
–Chinese Version–
–Hokkien Version–
–Cantonese Version–
–The Reality–
Different campaigns had varying degree of success. There was more comic relief than campaign effectiveness when someone’s dad defied all odds to win a fortune, making a mockery out of an anti-gambling campaign. However, it achieved worldwide fame when it was lampooned at talkshows in the US.
Lampooned on US talkshow:
National Conflict & Confrontation
Polarizing issues, often a harbinger of an increasingly divided and fragmented society, surfaced this year. It was liberals versus non-liberals, gay versus straight, white versus pink, penguins versus humans, parent versus ambulance and uncle politician versus uncle politician. Disagreements and disputes were a dime and a dozen.
I guess at the end of the day, we have to agree to disagree, be it in having an issue with a woman’s handbag, customer service, verbal sparring in parliament and destroying someone’s altar.
–White versus Pink–
–Dad versus Ambulance–
–The Handbag Chronicles–
–The Curious Case of The Destroyed Altar–
–Customer Service 101 at SingPost–
–Uncle Politicians Verbal Sparring–
National Heroes
It was also a year where national athletes crown the Little Red Dot with glory. A sharpshooter lass named Jasmine and a home grown boy who is still Schooling at a Ivy League university shared the honours at the Commonweath Games and Asian Games respectively. On a sad note, the longest serving and naturalised footballer called time on his career at the grand age of 44. Our outmost respect goes to him for his industrious runs (he last longer than his younger counterparts in most matches), infectious energy and his contribution to the football fraternity.
National Vocabulary
The year has also showered us with some catchy words. It may be wise to add some of these words to your vocabulary arsenal.
1. Anton-ed: the act of mocking public transport commuters by making derogatory remarks and at the same time making a wuss out of everyone.
Example: Public transport commuters were anton-ed by some wuss earlier this year.
2. Jover-ed: the act of scamming customers with thuggish behaviour or underhand tactics and paying customers entirely in coins should a refund arises.
Example: The tourist was jover-ed at Scam Lim Square, prompting vigilante action from netizens.
3. Yangyin-ed: the act of taking over a vulnerable elderly person’s assets through a lusting power of attorney
Example: The old lady was yangyin-ed by a tour guide whom she met at a tour in China.
National “Auld Lang Syne”
We are only left with a few days of 2014, lets hope for a smooth passage to 2015. But as the saying goes, its not over till the fat lady sings, or rather complain…
As we draw the curtains down on 2014, we look forward to SG50 celebrations, the general election and more interesting stories or events in the coming year.
Meanwhile, Happy New Year…
theuncleflipsprata 